June

Another try at blogging.. let's see how this goes THIS time.  I just spent the last half hour recovering passwords that should have been written down, but weren't.  Sniff sniff.  It is a cloudy, misty day out today, a good day to sit and stitch.  I have been able to get quite a bit of stitching done lately.  I need to get going on two Christmas stockings that need to be done for this holiday season.  Last night I found out that one of my favorite cousins became engaged over the weekend.  I am so happy for him and his girlfriend.  My aunt said that they should be getting married in about a year, so that give me a year to get in shape and lose about a thousand pounds.  ( a totally attainable goal)  I talked to my sister last night and told her of the upcoming nuptials, and that we had one year to get gorgeous.  She chuckled.  What is it about other people's weddings that makes you want to look your best?  Nobody will be looking at anyone but the bride and groom, and that is how it should be... isn't it?  I am off to do some pushups.  (that was a lie)

Tuesday- Primary Day

Today is Primary day, so there is no school.  The kids are playing downstairs, so far so good.  I am sure they will be up and down the stairs for most of the day.  I am just getting over being sick, I am tired of being sickly and weak. I am almost done with stitching the Princess and The Pea by Little House Needlework.  I absolutely love this piece, and am really enjoying stitching it, the colors are so cheerful and the design is adorable. It is a Christmas gift for my niece Amara.  I bought a copy of the book "Princess and The Pea", and I will either frame the stitching or make a pillow to give her.  My only concern with the pillow is that I used Crescent Colors for the floss, and they are not colorfast.  I wonder if you can dry clean them? If I frame it the piece will stay clean, but it would make such a cute pillow. Anywhoo- I think it will make a nice gift.  My father called from Washington State last night, they are leaving there today to drive to Oregon.  I am nervous.  I know that they are capable adults who have travelled the world, but still...  I just have to keep telling myself that it will be okay and that they are having fun.  Tammy sent me the best magazine, is has the top 10 quilts stores in America.  One is right near her.  Talk about bait Tammy, I could be on your doorstep one morning!  

Happy Stitching :0)

25 Reasons to be happy

Last night I could not sleep.  I was up at 4 am listening to Auntie Rhonda sing and mutter to herself, it was adorable.  My parents are away for a few weeks, so my aunt who has DS is staying with us.  She is a 47 year old 6 year old- absolutely precious. So while I was awake, I started making lists like I always do, lists that usually get ripped up and thrown away.  I write about projects that I would like to finish, weight I would like to lose etc.  I think it might be good for me to come up with 25 reasons to be happy, so that is what I am posing today.  Later on I am sure I will be back to making lists that are doomed, but for now I will keep to the light side of things and be thankful.

25 Reasons to be happy

1. My mother and I are closer that we have ever been before

2. My father and I can have a conversation without him being distracted by a ball game

3. My husband loves me

4. My Auntie loves me

5. Even though I have diabetes, I am feeling alright and my sugars are pretty stable

6.My niece Amara loves me, and I have time to enjoy her

7. My nephew John loves me, some as above.  

8.I am able to see, hear and speak

9.I am able to walk

10.I have good friends

11. I am lucky to have good close friends 

12. I am never hungry

13. I am never cold in the winter nor hot in the summer

14. I have a good car that gets me where I need to go

15. I have a wonderful stitching group filled with supportive, talented and loving friends

16.My sister and I can be in the same room without trying to kill one another

17.My brother is finally happy and I can stop worrying about him

18.I have the ability to read and write.

19.I have good medical care that we can afford

20.I can afford my prescriptions (this makes me very happy, and very sad for those who have trouble covering the cost of being well)

21.I live in a happy home

22. I have good pets (the dog loves me, the hedgehog hates everyone)

23.I have enough stash to last 3 lifetimes

24. John is supportive of my stash problem and never yells at me for spending money on projects that we both know will most likely never get stitched

25. Bedtime.  Bedtime makes me happy.

Not the best list, but I will re read it when I am feeling down.

TaDA!

I am finally back blogging after such a long time away.  Life is good for the most part, no major complaints.  (today)  Summer is a fun time for my niece and nephew, but I usually have to stay inside because of my asthma. I have been doing a lot of stitching and quilting these days.  I finished a small quilt yesterday, it is hanging in the stairway.  At first I didn't think I would find the right place for it, our apartment is pretty small and very full.  But it looks cute where I put it, so things worked out. Today I went to the Endochronologist  (sp) who I liked very much until he came back with my bloodwork and a sample of insulin.  I am not happy with this business at all.  I have lost 50lbs, and my numbers are still going up.  I guess this means I can put the 50 lbs. back on, and eat what makes me happy, because I am going to need the insulin anyway.  Maybe I will like the stuff, we'll see. Tomorrow I go to the foot doctor for more joy, I am sure of it.  Friday I plan on hiding under my bed.  :)  Happy Stitching!

Eileen

Friday

Today is Friday, and I am so glad that the weekend is almost here. John and I have to go to his Mom's birthday party tomorrow night, but besides that the weekend looks like it will be nice and relaxing. His mom just turned 70- she does NOT look her age at all. She is such a beautiful person inside and out, and I hope her party goes well. Last night I found out some very disturbing news. A man that I used to know (his kids played with my stepdaughter) was murdered in Cypress. He was such a wonderful person, and I can't believe that his family was hurt like this. It really hits too close to home, this time of year is so hard for me because the anniversary of Steve's death in on the 18th of this month. I am going to try very hard to keep level headed and think of the future and what could be instead of what was and what I have lost. On the stitching front, I have had 2 finishes in the past few weeks. I am going to post pictures, I need to update my webshots pictures as well. Another thing I can concentrate on instead of unpleasant things that will only depress me.

Tuesday

I am not off to the best start on my diet. I have eaten 3 sugar free puddings, now I am drinking a Glucerna. I have spent the morning reading other people's blogs, looking at pictures of super happy moms with their beautiful children. I can't process the fact that at one time, that was me, and now it isn't. Being a stepmom was so hard. I wish I could just sit here and go on and on about the good times, and how happy I was then, but I cant do that and still be honest. I feel robbed. I spent 6 years of my life raising someone else's kid, being told that "you are a mom, we don't need to have a baby". God, I am so bitter. What I would give to have that time back, and to live it differently. Instead of closure, I have nagging regrets. Today I am going to call the funeral home and start the process of moving Steve. Where I am going to move him is still up in the air. Years have come and gone, and I still can't deal with this situation. He wanted to be scattered, but I just couldn't do it at the time of his death. My mom says that when someone does what he did, they give up their rights to have final wishes. I am not sure about how true that is, but it sure gives me room to do whatever I would like to with his remains. Remains. What a word that is, it gives me the chills. I read in one of my psych books that writing things out helps you heal. That is what this is, hopefully a healing process. I really really really miss being a mom. But I do not miss the meaness, the spiteful actions, hearing "she's not my real mom, I don't have to listen to her". I don't miss knowing that her "real" mom was out drinking and partying while I was at home, making school projects, taking her and her friends to school activities, all the while just being used. I was a nanny for 6 years and was fired. Kind of funny in a sick, very twisted way. John says I just need to let this go, but he has no idea how much it knaws at me. It's tough to know you were a fool. I guess all I can do now is be the best wife, friend, auntie and daughter that I can be at this point in my life. I know I have so much to be thankful for, but it is just so hard to look at the brighter side when the darker side is always calling, taunting, poking at me. I wish I could just pick up the phone and talk to the young woman who used to be my little girl. How did this happen??? I feel so empty.

My dear husband just told me to remember that this is a two dimensional picture. What a good soul he has. This is me, at the end of my rope made of twinkies, standing in my sewing room. Here's to a healthier me in time. (clink)

Time to lose some weight

Okay, it is official, I am huge. I am going to Celebrations in a very short time and I have to buy all new clothes. I guess I could rejoin Weight Watchers, but that would mean actually going to meetings. Maybe the weekly humiliation of getting on a scale will click something in my head and I will exercise more and eat less. I know my thyroid is low, the Dr. just put me on new medicine to increase my thyroid activity. I am going to ask John to take a picture of me tonight, so I will have to look at it on here and maybe that will make me want to post more pictures as I grow smaller. Do you actually grow smaller, or is it get smaller? Hmmmm. I have a huge pile of stitching stuff that I want to bring to Celebrations with me. I need to scale things down a bit, and be more reasonable. I will look into the monthly pass for Weight Watchers and see what I think then, and I will also be taking measurements.... gasp... :)